Firsts...

Somehow I was blessed with this ability to be very open and honest with any and every person on this planet. I don't know where I got this trait but nevertheless I have it. From day one with my hubby I have been shocking him with so many things that I'm surprised he didn't run away in those beginning months of courtship. In fact one of his first "firsts" was one night after a long night of drinking he woke up to a puddle and me sweetly explaining that I peed the bed. I have never seen such shock on a persons face in my life and we still get a good laugh out of it 5 years later. Then there was the time that I asked him to join me in the bathroom because I wanted someone to talk to while I was doing my business. We had a lot of deep conversations in that tiny bathroom. One time I woke him up screaming that he needed to get the puppies off the roof before they fell and got hurt while I was standing over him. Imagine waking up to that nightmare! Another time I woke up outside by the pool looking for a lost kid. At some point I even grabbed my robe (thank goodness) and I was very fortunate not to step in any dog poop, how I didn't I have no idea. I almost killed him once by tickling him to much. In my defense, I love to hear his laugh and I didn't know he was dying until he started turning colors.

Then there are the firsts that many people experience together. I have a very affectionate family and we give lots of hugs and kisses, this use to be very uncomfortable for him. I'm very opinionated and if I disagree with something he knows, in fact the world knows! I'm a huge animal lover so naturally we have a house full of dogs that all needed a loving home and they all think they need to sleep with us. He likes corn with his spaghetti and I think that's insane. He will only let me mow the backyard because my lines aren't straight enough. The first time he told me no, which was such a shock that it hurt my feelings (now I hear it more often!). Our mood swings. The list goes on and on. You all know what I'm talking about! Some of our shockers are nasty or embarrassing but still shared and laughed about or ignored, whichever we need to do at the time!

Relationships are crazy. I'm very fortunate to have such an understanding husband (most of the time) and I'm thankful that I can really talk to him even if its shocking the sh!t out of him! That's just a bonus...

Visit my website at lindsaybane.pureromance.com or call me to book a party! 405-473-8666

The Military's Best Kept Secret

How fitting it is to make my first contribution to this blog on Valentine's Day.  It may not yet be v-day for you, but as I am writing from South Korea I am a day ahead.  That's right people I am from the future!  I believe my views and perspectives will add an interesting twist to this blog because I am a military wife.  For the military wife love, sex, and everything in between are interrupted and battled by a whole new set of obstacles.  Take this special holiday for example. Couples everywhere are busy getting dolled up to go to dinner and get flowers and get it on.  Meanwhile, there are many women that are praying to see a dirty camouflaged man on skype tonight if the connection holds up.  Can you imagine buying yourself some sexy lingerie and prepping your bedroom for a little late night skype sex? Your husband has to hang up curtains around his bunk because that is as much privacy as he is going to get for 6 to 12 months.  He changed out of his sweaty uniform and put on some PT gear.  He plugs in his headphones so he can hear you talk dirty to him and moan but he has to type out his responses so his neighbors aren't in on the show.  You dance around the room moving the computer trying to find the perfect angle to shoot your very own porno for one.  Oh how romantic it is trying to be sexy for a computer screen.  You haven't seen awkward sex like this since you lost your virginity.  How do you make the first move when you can't even touch?  Eventually you work up the courage to give him a little strip tease.  I'll show you mine and you show me yours.   Then you feel a bit more confident so you start to do a little rubbing and touching.  Mutual masturbation ensues and hopefully since you are operating your own equipment you can both get the job done (easier said than done when you have an audience of confused dogs watching from the floor).  This is hardly a passion filled love making experience, and guess what?  He probably recorded your little show to refer to later!  While skype sex isn't always the most comfortable and certainly no substitute for the real thing, I think it inadvertently aided our sex life.  I think the biggest component to a healthy sex life is being able to be open and honest with your partner about what you want and like.  Masturbation, for me, has always been a private affair.  Being able to share that with my man made us both more open.  I mean seriously, once you've been spread eagle for a pinhole camera you are quite a bit more comfortable about the man seeing you with your PMS bloating muffin top.  The more comfortable you are with someone the more honest you can be both in and out of the bedroom and that is what makes a great relationship.  If you can't share all of your deep dark desires and secrets with the person you are with you are setting yourself up for a lifetime disappointment.  If  you keep faking orgasms how will he ever learn to get you off?  Years will build with resentment for all the things he never did, but really you should be mad at yourself for never giving him the opportunity.  The same goes for you fellas.  Instead of google-ing internet porn to satisfy your cravings and curiosity why not ask your lady to try some of those things?  When you love your partner you want to satisfy them and that alone should make you more open to trying new things.  Sometimes you'll find that what looked hot on redtube kind of sucks in real life but sometimes you'll end up exploring a whole new area of yourself and your partner you had no idea could feel so good!  Take the "Fifty Shades" serious for example.  Now I have to say the writing is pretty poor from a literary stand point, but who knew so many housewives wanted to be chained and whipped into submission?  So if this simple advice is working for men and women separated by continents and oceans just think of how successful it will be in your own home.  Take it from me, a well fed appetite has no need to wander. 

xoxo, 

Birdie

Sex Impossible

Unfortunately, I am the mom who doesn't listen to anyone and does everything that I want to do. This includes letting our youngest sleep with us. I know it's wrong but I can't help myself. When that sweet little face wants to sleep with mommy I can't say no.

Now what this does to our sex life... Well, let me first say that it is amazing when we get to be intimate. My husband is definitely a giver, which makes for one happy wife, and I like to think that I also have a hand in our Avatar love making as well. That being said, once a week is about it for us.

Being a Pure Romance Consultant definitely has its perks but what good do they do if we can't use them? Those rare nights when all the kids go to bed early and little man falls asleep with his sisters or on the kitchen floor (yes this happens), mommy and daddy make a run for it! But is it enough? Most weeks we're both so tired and our to do lists are so long that I would say yes we have just the right amount of sex. Then there are those times I feel like my husband holds out on me, but the reality is that I'm having a "fat" day and need extra attention.

So I started selling PR, started reading articles and books about marriage and sex, and libido. I tried all the PR games, we bought extra toys, tried the lubricants and tasted the creams. Of course this was all in the name of "research" so we had to do it. At first it was a chore almost. I felt like someone was telling us that we had to have sex. Then it started to be fun. I was finding myself looking forward to our research. What it did was made us both aware of each other sexually again. We found that we made that research time more often and tried new things and talked! Our communication started improving, we even started flirting again!!! Now when that song Big Bad Handsome Man by Imelda May comes on I get flutters down below and start gigging like a teenager. HELLO Dustin!!!! This is just one of the things I love about Pure Romance!!!

My first bridal show!!

So yesterday was my very first bridal show and I have to admit it definitely wasn't what I expected. The cost was pretty high for my little Pure Romance booth but I liked our location and meeting all the different vendors and brides.

I found the energy to be so uplifting and inspiring. All the hopeful brides making plans for their wedding day. It was really exciting to be a part of that! And I especially love the energy at our booth. I am a huge believer in our product and to see so many brides feel the same way really made me appreciate my business even more. In fact, I have decided to also officiate weddings!

Since becoming ordained I have only done one wedding and after doing this bridal show I realize that I really want to do more. It's amazing how much Pure Romance has pulled me out of my shell. It has really opened the door for so many wonderful adventures. So a big thank you to my PR momma! I am so excited to see what else is in store for me!

When I was a boy...

When I was a boy, I had a real complex about sex. I guess looking back everyone has some growing issues, but for me they seemed particularly disabling.

I naturally experienced sensations, just like any young teenager does. I found things arousing, but without a father at home for 8 months of the year, and a brother five years older than I, more interested in sports, music and girls than his naïve, distressed brother, I had no-one to talk to. Not that that should matter, many people manage just fine without guidance in that particular area, but not all kids are me, and I could have done with a little mature advice.

The problem I had, you see, was that whilst I had no problem achieving an erection, I had a great deal of difficulty in achieving an orgasm. This had an awful lot to do with late night television and teenage paranoia. To begin with, I would be settled in my bedroom, lights off, door closed, watching late night TV, which at the time was limited to The Outer limits and The X-Files.

If I’m honest, Gillian Anderson’s cleavage didn’t nearly pop up as much as I needed it to. Come to think of it, I think that director had something against young boys, why put a beautiful big-busted sexpot like Gillian and not allow us even the smallest of erm… moments. Anyhow, there I would be, all prepared with toilet paper in the bedside cabinet, remote control on the bed for volume control, and Vic’s Vacorub on the table to support my story of having the sniffles. There would also be a small towel under the bed in case of emergencies. I don’t quite remember what kind of emergency I was expecting, but my youth was filled with movies like Police Academy and Airplane, so anything was possible.

Try as I might though, every time I would get a rhythm going, perhaps because Scully was tied up ready to be sacrificed by some deep-south santanist coven, the channel would switch to adverts, which at that time consisted of Gay Sex Chat lines. One minute I would be completing the final strokes of my own 50 meters breast stroke, the next second I had gone completely still, like I was drowning in the pool with cramp. Without some form of stimulation though, I would never get much further than firm wood. Wood, incidentally, that didn’t go away. I mean, it just never went away. There was absolutely nothing I could do to get rid of the damned thing. It was like a stray dog, or a bad smell. I had a stalking stalk! Needless to say, I had to pass on the “giving my mum a goodnight cuddle” for fear of my solid shame being revealed.

The best I could do was to sleep face down, but even that wasn’t good enough. Lying on your belly allows you two choices, up or down. Pointing it upwards was pretty embarrassing, as you could guarantee the kind of sheets that mothers enjoy telling future girlfriends about. Pointing it downwards meant lifting your bum up, and sort of leaning forwards to put pressure on it, causing some pain in the hope that it would go down enough to allow me a nights’ sleep. I generally picked option two, but after a while my paranoia kicked in. In the years to come I would convince myself that in some way, this practice of squishing self-harm had ‘done damage’ to my meat and potatoes once and for all, and that I was destined never to have my glory moment.

In fact, so traumatic was this to me that I didn’t have my first orgasm until I was 19, in a car park with a friendly young lady who found herself holding a whole lot more that what she was looking for in my boxer shorts. I will never forget the way she told me so sympathetically,

 “It happens to lots of people”. She tried so hard to be supportive, giving me gentle encouraging words (and I’m sure wondering if there’s a faucet nearby), when all the while meanwhile I wanted to scream “IT WORKS!”

The truth is that if I had someone to talk to about some of this stuff, I would not have suffered the years of nightmare worrying and late night panic attacks over sex. I wouldn’t have spent so long fretting that I must be gay, and losing a good friend in the process. Instead, I would have had the same kind of teenage years as everyone else. What I needed was for someone to tell me, it’s going to be okay, and that some things just take time to figure out. What I needed was someone to say keep trying, and learn what works for me, because if I don’t figure out how my junk works, then how will I know to tell my future wife what works.

And that’s why I think throwing a party is such a healthy thing to do. It gives people a chance to talk about sex in an open way, without shame. It allows people to play with ideas and equipment, and it helps us all open up about our sexual fantasies, pleasures and individual preferences. And a good host is one that will allow you to talk about these things openly and honestly whilst at the same time having lots of fun. Lindsay is perfect for this, she has always had that slight touch of rebellion that you can’t help but admire, wrapped up in a genuine, sensitive and caring shell.

Bachlorette Party

Bachlorette parties are so much fun. We women can get all wild and crazy, shower the bride to be with attention, and get away from our men and kiddos. They're great!!! A friend of mine (and I know they are very popular now) rented a party bus for hers so I got this brilliant idea to host a Pure Romance party on the bus! Sex and booze? I thinks so!!! Everyone filled out their order forms at the various stops and donated to the bride's wish list. It was fun, entertaining, and the bride was able to get all of her favorites plus some!

Healthly Relationships

I'm sure that many people will disagree with me but I really feel that a healthy relationship directly relates to a healthy sex life. In my past if the sex wasn't good then then I ended up being unhappy and moving on. Sometimes you can help this with a little spice added and sometimes you can't, but in the end sex is a huge part. Not only does it give us pleasure but it also helps us connect with eachother in such an intimate way. We're sharing a part of eachother that is very special, so why not make it as amazing as possible? Take your time, engage in lots of foreplay, and really concentrate on connecting with your partner. You won't be sorry!

LindsayBane.PureRomance.com