Mommy Fail....

First let me start out by saying that I love my kids more than anything. They are the best part of my life and staying home with them has been a dream come true. I feel so blessed and grateful.

But... I don't know how stay at home moms do it. I am exhausted all the time, the work is never done, and I can't take a step without stepping on a toy or bumping into a kid. Everything is a challenge from going to the grocery store to going to the bathroom. I pretty much live in the kitchen and laundry room. I can clean daily but you can't tell it EVER. My house stinks because they spill milk, soda, juice all the time. Telling them to keep it in the kitchen is a waste of my time but of course I say it 50 times a day anyway. Laundry is always piling up and I hate it so much. And of course half the things that end up in the dirty clothes were clean to start with but I get to rewash because they were mixed in with the dirty ones and at this house dirty means dirty! They go outside and they come back in with mud (and it doesn't even have to be wet outside), sand, gravel, oil, and of course my ultimate favorite... Dog poop!!! Lucky me!!!

Zeal Update

Still working this Zeal Challenge. I'm down another pound but I have still been lazy. I keep saying I'm going to add exercise into my daily routine but I just get so busy and find other things to be doing/enjoying instead. I would rather just not eat. Haha... Seriously though I will start one of these days... As far as hunger goes I'm good. I haven't really had an issue with feeling hungry this far. I do keep forgetting to take the Burn at dinner but thankfully I haven't been eating extremely bad. Because of summer gardens we're getting a lot of fresh veggies so we've been getting creative and trying to eat healthier as a family. I have started to notice that my portions are getting smaller and still seem to fill me up naturally. Lately I have been working on seeing food differently. Instead of being in love with it, I'm trying to just stay away from it. Which could also explain why exercise has been alluding me. Exercise makes me hungry which = eating more and thinking I can get away with cheating more because I earned it by burning a few calories. Definitely not the healthiest way to look at things but its keeping me more on track right now. I figure you can't rush these things. One day at a time down this journey of weight-loss that we all love/hate so much... 

Thanks for all the support!! 

Xo

Lindsay

I HATE laundry!!!

This is my laundry basket almost always. And I guarantee that a lot of the kids clothes are clean. The girls love to play dress up and they always promise to hang their clothes back up or put them away. I always fall for it and they always end up in my hamper to be rewashed. Needless to say I'm never caught up and we were spending a small fortune on laundry soap and softener. So in an effort to save money I decided to make my own. I started with a liquid recipe, but found that it was a lot of effort and I'm all about easy peezie. But I do keep it on hand for spot treatments. I pretreat any grass stains, mud, food, etc. It works great and is a fraction of the cost of shout or other stain removers. However it does take up more space in the laundry room or becomes a great step stool for my son to stand on and get into things that he shouldn't. Here's the recipe:

1 Fels Naphtha Laundry Bar, grated

1 cup Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda

1 cup Borax

Hot water

Bring 4 cups of water to a boil and add grated soap. Reduce heat to low and simmer until all soap is melted. Be sure to stir continually. Next fill a 5 gallon bucket half way with more hot tap water from the sink. Gently pour soap water into the bucket. Add remaining ingredients and stir until all is dissolved. Fill the bucket up with more hot water, stir again, cover and let sit overnight or 8 hrs to thicken and cool. 

This recipe makes 10 gallons of laundry soap. I transfer the concentrated soap into a smaller 2 gallon bucket and add warm to dilute if using as my detergent or if using as a spot treatment I leave as is. For top load washers use about 3/4 a cup or for front load washers use about a 1/4 cup. 

Because time is an issue for me I have started using the dry version of this recipe. It takes up less space in my laundry room and works very well. So far I've been very happy with the end results. Of course you can play with the recipes and make them your own! Here's the dry recipe I use:

1 Fels Naptha Laundry Bar, grated

1 cup Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda

1 cup Borax

I use my food processed for this and it works amazingly! Just make sure you mix all the ingredients completely and I like mine to be very fine in texture. Use a tablespoon per load or 2 tablespoons if really dirty (always at my house). 

Now lets talk fabric softener. I have to admit I was a little skeptical at first but I decided to brave it and it turns out that it works great. I don't even use bleach anymore (don't mix bleach & vinegar). So here's the recipe: 

3 cups White Vinegar

1 15 oz bottle of hair conditioner, any brand (I use whatever is on sale)

6 cups hot tap water

100% essential oil of your choice

Mix all ingredients together and use a 1/4 cup per load. Depending on the essential oil, I use about 20-30 drops. Just do the smell test if the vinegar bothers you. 

Vinegar neutralizes odors, helps colors from bleeding/fading, and is a natural softener. Who knew vinegar would become a staple in my home! 

Good luck and let me know what you think!! 

Xoxo

Lindsay

Happy Fourth of July!!!

So much history surrounds this holiday! Growing up it was just all about fireworks and playing with my cousins at the family cookout. It never really sank in during school or even as an adult really. Then I married a Marine. He has taught me what it means to be patriot, to love this great nation, and just what it cost our forefathers so long ago. 

Please have a fun but safe holiday weekend! Thanks so much for reading and never forget what this day means to us as a nation! 

Xoxo

Lindsay

Oh the Zeal challenge...

How am I doing??? Well besides being a little cranky things are going good. I had a bad weekend and still I'm 7 pounds down. That's pretty awesome considering I drank myself stupid Saturday night and ate Denny's for brunch. I enjoyed the super bird with avocado and seasoned fries. Oh and with a side of ranch for dipping. It was bad but so good! 

I think as punishment my hubby decided it would be great to go shopping for pond supplies and plants all day after eating such a satisfying meal with 3 kids in tow. But we all survived and I got to take a long nap when we got home. I woke up refreshed and ready to get back on it. I can honestly say that my hangover was not as bad as it should have been after drinking an entire bottle of wine alone the night before. In fact, I should have been sick for days! 

Go Zeal! 

Zeal 90 Day Weight-loss Challenge

I decided to take this challenge a couple of weeks ago and I ordered my Zeal for the month. My trial start date was July 19, 2013... Actual start date is tomorrow July 27, 2013. Why you ask? Well, I had every intention of starting the 19th but I cheated like 3 times already and I wasn't exercising at all. I lost 7 lbs even without exercise so I thought imagine what I could lose if I exercised! Since I have always loved running I decided to get back into it. So I went to Target and bought this little book called Fit Plan Running by GAIAM. It helps you... Plan it. Track it. Achieve it. Or that's what the front of the book says anyway. Then I came home and while eating my last bowl of chocolate ice cream (I already cheated once today so why not?) I got this brilliant idea to blog about it. 

I know what you're thinking, it's an awesome idea! Haha... But seriously, it's going to make me more accountable and work harder to impress my fans aka anyone who googled the 90 Day Zeal Challenge. So each day I'll work this challenge and I'll let you know how I'm doing by going along with this lovely book that I just purchased. And maybe inspire a few lazy asses like myself to get off their bums too. 

Xoxo

Va-JJ Hair Removal...

Yes, this blog post is about my experience getting a wax job down there. It was no joke. Would I recommend it? Definitely. Will I do it again? Definitely. Did it hurt? Definitely.

So groupon is amazing and I got a Brazilian Wax for $35. A friend agreed to hold my hand and I thought why not?! I have always wanted to do it and this is half price so it's win win. I took my pain meds and thought it can't be that bad, besides the vagina heals itself so quickly anyway. I can do this. This pep talk did not help much but I ended up getting on the table anyway... She had to trim the area first (I wasn't sure how long it needed to be so I let it grow) which was very embarrassing but funny to me. Then she got started. The wax was warm but not hot and then she put the cloth strip over it and WHAM!!! I expected it to hurt but wow! That was a shock and I literally cried out in pain. I almost got off the table and walked out of there, but my friend survived and I didn't want to be a total vag (haha) so I didn't move. I stayed spread eagle and let the torture continue. Yes I said torture because that is exactly what it was... TORTURE!! But I survived like many do, tipped the nice lady and left.

The first day or so after my whole region was nice and swollen which was very unattractive but fascinating at the same time. I walked a little funny but the pain was getting better so that was a plus. By day 3 she was back to normal size and she very smooth. Despite the pain and swollen vagina I loved it and so did the hubby. It's lasted about a month and no red bumps appeared like when shaving. I did use my Coochy as a calming lotion during the shower but I don't know if it helped or just helped ease my mind. Regardless I'm going to make that a regular part of my waxing ritual from now on. Final verdict: if you have ever thought about doing it, just do it. You will find that the pain isn't as bad as you think it will be or that you are way tougher than you thought you could be. Either way you'll survive and love the end result (and so will your spouse). <3

Xoxo, Lindsay

My PR Passion

Pure Romance came into my life almost 6 years ago when a friend threw my bachelorette party. I remember thinking how much fun I had and of course I was super excited to get to try so of the many products on my wish list thanks to all my friends. But never once did I think I could ever sell PR for a living. In fact, as open as I am it felt so wrong to even think about it.

What changed? Well a couple years later one of my BFFs started her PR biz and loved it. She never pushed too hard to get me to sign up (now I wish she had!) and I never asked to many questions. I realize now that I let fear stop me. You see, I have tried selling many different things over the years and failed at it. You can't expect to sell a product that you aren't passionate about and that is exactly what happened to me. I started out with good intentions but always got bored or moved on to the next thing. Once I even helped a friend by signing up underneath her so she could meet her fast track requirements. It was free so why not? No surprise when I got bored and quit.

Over the years I hosted a few parties, went to a few parties, and ordered lots of products. Then the kits went on sale (for a third time) and the sale was 60% off. My PR mom finally got her recruit. Why now? Well, honestly I am the type of person who likes to keep busy. If I don't have a ton of things going on then I get bored and lazy. This was fun way to get out of the house and be a woman, not a wife, or a mother. I thought, the heck with what anyone thought! I want to have fun! So I signed up and started studying.

My first party was extremely nerve racking. My stomach hurt, I had no idea what I doing, and I was just plain scared to death. But I kept reading the information provided, I watched demo videos, and I listened to speeches and seminars. Two things happened... The parties started getting easier. I found that once I relaxed I set the mood for everyone. Second, I realized how much I loved it. I get to connect with women on a very personal level and sometimes help them improve what I believe to be one of the most important aspects in our lives... Our sexual health. Now it's a ministry for me. I don't feel like my business is taboo anymore, it's empowering. I educate, I entertain, and I empower women. I study and I talk about something that really matters, and if it doesn't it should! Who'd of thought that selling relationship enhancement products could bring me closer to God and help me work toward perfecting me? This is what PR has done for me. It has changed my life, made me want to be a better person, wife and mother. And it has helped me help other women do the same. Sex is a hard topic but it shouldn't be ignored. It should be embraced and enjoyed!!!

Xoxo, Lindsay

Lindsay Bane
Pure Romance Consultant
405.473.8666
LindsayBane.PureRomance.com

Firsts...

Somehow I was blessed with this ability to be very open and honest with any and every person on this planet. I don't know where I got this trait but nevertheless I have it. From day one with my hubby I have been shocking him with so many things that I'm surprised he didn't run away in those beginning months of courtship. In fact one of his first "firsts" was one night after a long night of drinking he woke up to a puddle and me sweetly explaining that I peed the bed. I have never seen such shock on a persons face in my life and we still get a good laugh out of it 5 years later. Then there was the time that I asked him to join me in the bathroom because I wanted someone to talk to while I was doing my business. We had a lot of deep conversations in that tiny bathroom. One time I woke him up screaming that he needed to get the puppies off the roof before they fell and got hurt while I was standing over him. Imagine waking up to that nightmare! Another time I woke up outside by the pool looking for a lost kid. At some point I even grabbed my robe (thank goodness) and I was very fortunate not to step in any dog poop, how I didn't I have no idea. I almost killed him once by tickling him to much. In my defense, I love to hear his laugh and I didn't know he was dying until he started turning colors.

Then there are the firsts that many people experience together. I have a very affectionate family and we give lots of hugs and kisses, this use to be very uncomfortable for him. I'm very opinionated and if I disagree with something he knows, in fact the world knows! I'm a huge animal lover so naturally we have a house full of dogs that all needed a loving home and they all think they need to sleep with us. He likes corn with his spaghetti and I think that's insane. He will only let me mow the backyard because my lines aren't straight enough. The first time he told me no, which was such a shock that it hurt my feelings (now I hear it more often!). Our mood swings. The list goes on and on. You all know what I'm talking about! Some of our shockers are nasty or embarrassing but still shared and laughed about or ignored, whichever we need to do at the time!

Relationships are crazy. I'm very fortunate to have such an understanding husband (most of the time) and I'm thankful that I can really talk to him even if its shocking the sh!t out of him! That's just a bonus...

Visit my website at lindsaybane.pureromance.com or call me to book a party! 405-473-8666

The Military's Best Kept Secret

How fitting it is to make my first contribution to this blog on Valentine's Day.  It may not yet be v-day for you, but as I am writing from South Korea I am a day ahead.  That's right people I am from the future!  I believe my views and perspectives will add an interesting twist to this blog because I am a military wife.  For the military wife love, sex, and everything in between are interrupted and battled by a whole new set of obstacles.  Take this special holiday for example. Couples everywhere are busy getting dolled up to go to dinner and get flowers and get it on.  Meanwhile, there are many women that are praying to see a dirty camouflaged man on skype tonight if the connection holds up.  Can you imagine buying yourself some sexy lingerie and prepping your bedroom for a little late night skype sex? Your husband has to hang up curtains around his bunk because that is as much privacy as he is going to get for 6 to 12 months.  He changed out of his sweaty uniform and put on some PT gear.  He plugs in his headphones so he can hear you talk dirty to him and moan but he has to type out his responses so his neighbors aren't in on the show.  You dance around the room moving the computer trying to find the perfect angle to shoot your very own porno for one.  Oh how romantic it is trying to be sexy for a computer screen.  You haven't seen awkward sex like this since you lost your virginity.  How do you make the first move when you can't even touch?  Eventually you work up the courage to give him a little strip tease.  I'll show you mine and you show me yours.   Then you feel a bit more confident so you start to do a little rubbing and touching.  Mutual masturbation ensues and hopefully since you are operating your own equipment you can both get the job done (easier said than done when you have an audience of confused dogs watching from the floor).  This is hardly a passion filled love making experience, and guess what?  He probably recorded your little show to refer to later!  While skype sex isn't always the most comfortable and certainly no substitute for the real thing, I think it inadvertently aided our sex life.  I think the biggest component to a healthy sex life is being able to be open and honest with your partner about what you want and like.  Masturbation, for me, has always been a private affair.  Being able to share that with my man made us both more open.  I mean seriously, once you've been spread eagle for a pinhole camera you are quite a bit more comfortable about the man seeing you with your PMS bloating muffin top.  The more comfortable you are with someone the more honest you can be both in and out of the bedroom and that is what makes a great relationship.  If you can't share all of your deep dark desires and secrets with the person you are with you are setting yourself up for a lifetime disappointment.  If  you keep faking orgasms how will he ever learn to get you off?  Years will build with resentment for all the things he never did, but really you should be mad at yourself for never giving him the opportunity.  The same goes for you fellas.  Instead of google-ing internet porn to satisfy your cravings and curiosity why not ask your lady to try some of those things?  When you love your partner you want to satisfy them and that alone should make you more open to trying new things.  Sometimes you'll find that what looked hot on redtube kind of sucks in real life but sometimes you'll end up exploring a whole new area of yourself and your partner you had no idea could feel so good!  Take the "Fifty Shades" serious for example.  Now I have to say the writing is pretty poor from a literary stand point, but who knew so many housewives wanted to be chained and whipped into submission?  So if this simple advice is working for men and women separated by continents and oceans just think of how successful it will be in your own home.  Take it from me, a well fed appetite has no need to wander. 

xoxo, 

Birdie

Sex Impossible

Unfortunately, I am the mom who doesn't listen to anyone and does everything that I want to do. This includes letting our youngest sleep with us. I know it's wrong but I can't help myself. When that sweet little face wants to sleep with mommy I can't say no.

Now what this does to our sex life... Well, let me first say that it is amazing when we get to be intimate. My husband is definitely a giver, which makes for one happy wife, and I like to think that I also have a hand in our Avatar love making as well. That being said, once a week is about it for us.

Being a Pure Romance Consultant definitely has its perks but what good do they do if we can't use them? Those rare nights when all the kids go to bed early and little man falls asleep with his sisters or on the kitchen floor (yes this happens), mommy and daddy make a run for it! But is it enough? Most weeks we're both so tired and our to do lists are so long that I would say yes we have just the right amount of sex. Then there are those times I feel like my husband holds out on me, but the reality is that I'm having a "fat" day and need extra attention.

So I started selling PR, started reading articles and books about marriage and sex, and libido. I tried all the PR games, we bought extra toys, tried the lubricants and tasted the creams. Of course this was all in the name of "research" so we had to do it. At first it was a chore almost. I felt like someone was telling us that we had to have sex. Then it started to be fun. I was finding myself looking forward to our research. What it did was made us both aware of each other sexually again. We found that we made that research time more often and tried new things and talked! Our communication started improving, we even started flirting again!!! Now when that song Big Bad Handsome Man by Imelda May comes on I get flutters down below and start gigging like a teenager. HELLO Dustin!!!! This is just one of the things I love about Pure Romance!!!

My first bridal show!!

So yesterday was my very first bridal show and I have to admit it definitely wasn't what I expected. The cost was pretty high for my little Pure Romance booth but I liked our location and meeting all the different vendors and brides.

I found the energy to be so uplifting and inspiring. All the hopeful brides making plans for their wedding day. It was really exciting to be a part of that! And I especially love the energy at our booth. I am a huge believer in our product and to see so many brides feel the same way really made me appreciate my business even more. In fact, I have decided to also officiate weddings!

Since becoming ordained I have only done one wedding and after doing this bridal show I realize that I really want to do more. It's amazing how much Pure Romance has pulled me out of my shell. It has really opened the door for so many wonderful adventures. So a big thank you to my PR momma! I am so excited to see what else is in store for me!

When I was a boy...

When I was a boy, I had a real complex about sex. I guess looking back everyone has some growing issues, but for me they seemed particularly disabling.

I naturally experienced sensations, just like any young teenager does. I found things arousing, but without a father at home for 8 months of the year, and a brother five years older than I, more interested in sports, music and girls than his naïve, distressed brother, I had no-one to talk to. Not that that should matter, many people manage just fine without guidance in that particular area, but not all kids are me, and I could have done with a little mature advice.

The problem I had, you see, was that whilst I had no problem achieving an erection, I had a great deal of difficulty in achieving an orgasm. This had an awful lot to do with late night television and teenage paranoia. To begin with, I would be settled in my bedroom, lights off, door closed, watching late night TV, which at the time was limited to The Outer limits and The X-Files.

If I’m honest, Gillian Anderson’s cleavage didn’t nearly pop up as much as I needed it to. Come to think of it, I think that director had something against young boys, why put a beautiful big-busted sexpot like Gillian and not allow us even the smallest of erm… moments. Anyhow, there I would be, all prepared with toilet paper in the bedside cabinet, remote control on the bed for volume control, and Vic’s Vacorub on the table to support my story of having the sniffles. There would also be a small towel under the bed in case of emergencies. I don’t quite remember what kind of emergency I was expecting, but my youth was filled with movies like Police Academy and Airplane, so anything was possible.

Try as I might though, every time I would get a rhythm going, perhaps because Scully was tied up ready to be sacrificed by some deep-south santanist coven, the channel would switch to adverts, which at that time consisted of Gay Sex Chat lines. One minute I would be completing the final strokes of my own 50 meters breast stroke, the next second I had gone completely still, like I was drowning in the pool with cramp. Without some form of stimulation though, I would never get much further than firm wood. Wood, incidentally, that didn’t go away. I mean, it just never went away. There was absolutely nothing I could do to get rid of the damned thing. It was like a stray dog, or a bad smell. I had a stalking stalk! Needless to say, I had to pass on the “giving my mum a goodnight cuddle” for fear of my solid shame being revealed.

The best I could do was to sleep face down, but even that wasn’t good enough. Lying on your belly allows you two choices, up or down. Pointing it upwards was pretty embarrassing, as you could guarantee the kind of sheets that mothers enjoy telling future girlfriends about. Pointing it downwards meant lifting your bum up, and sort of leaning forwards to put pressure on it, causing some pain in the hope that it would go down enough to allow me a nights’ sleep. I generally picked option two, but after a while my paranoia kicked in. In the years to come I would convince myself that in some way, this practice of squishing self-harm had ‘done damage’ to my meat and potatoes once and for all, and that I was destined never to have my glory moment.

In fact, so traumatic was this to me that I didn’t have my first orgasm until I was 19, in a car park with a friendly young lady who found herself holding a whole lot more that what she was looking for in my boxer shorts. I will never forget the way she told me so sympathetically,

 “It happens to lots of people”. She tried so hard to be supportive, giving me gentle encouraging words (and I’m sure wondering if there’s a faucet nearby), when all the while meanwhile I wanted to scream “IT WORKS!”

The truth is that if I had someone to talk to about some of this stuff, I would not have suffered the years of nightmare worrying and late night panic attacks over sex. I wouldn’t have spent so long fretting that I must be gay, and losing a good friend in the process. Instead, I would have had the same kind of teenage years as everyone else. What I needed was for someone to tell me, it’s going to be okay, and that some things just take time to figure out. What I needed was someone to say keep trying, and learn what works for me, because if I don’t figure out how my junk works, then how will I know to tell my future wife what works.

And that’s why I think throwing a party is such a healthy thing to do. It gives people a chance to talk about sex in an open way, without shame. It allows people to play with ideas and equipment, and it helps us all open up about our sexual fantasies, pleasures and individual preferences. And a good host is one that will allow you to talk about these things openly and honestly whilst at the same time having lots of fun. Lindsay is perfect for this, she has always had that slight touch of rebellion that you can’t help but admire, wrapped up in a genuine, sensitive and caring shell.

Bachlorette Party

Bachlorette parties are so much fun. We women can get all wild and crazy, shower the bride to be with attention, and get away from our men and kiddos. They're great!!! A friend of mine (and I know they are very popular now) rented a party bus for hers so I got this brilliant idea to host a Pure Romance party on the bus! Sex and booze? I thinks so!!! Everyone filled out their order forms at the various stops and donated to the bride's wish list. It was fun, entertaining, and the bride was able to get all of her favorites plus some!

Healthly Relationships

I'm sure that many people will disagree with me but I really feel that a healthy relationship directly relates to a healthy sex life. In my past if the sex wasn't good then then I ended up being unhappy and moving on. Sometimes you can help this with a little spice added and sometimes you can't, but in the end sex is a huge part. Not only does it give us pleasure but it also helps us connect with eachother in such an intimate way. We're sharing a part of eachother that is very special, so why not make it as amazing as possible? Take your time, engage in lots of foreplay, and really concentrate on connecting with your partner. You won't be sorry!

LindsayBane.PureRomance.com